Stupid Men

I realized that I need to blog more. Maybe if I did it on a consistent basis I would not have these weird as experiences with stupid boys. I just don't understand them and the more and more I encounter them the more and more I don't want to be bother with them. And then it seems like they all try to be stupid at the same time. It is like they have a meeting of the Stupid Boys Club and there they decided to be stupid and on what day to be stupid.......
This weekend started off very interesting. My power went off....Needless to say I was scared.... :-) So I called a stupid boy. That was my bad and I could get rid of him the rest of the weekend....... Another stupid boy wanted to come see me. Now it was all his idea because really and truly I don't even like him like that...Then on Saturday he magically has something to do. I have another one that random texts me at odd times and invites me over but he lives like 25 miles away......Then stupid boy #3 calls me and comes by because he HAD to see me.....Like it was super urgent or something...But I think Stupid Boy # 4 took the cake....Now he was all on me Saturday....harassing me while I was trying to enjoy my alone time at Starbucks....But then it is me that is making him "uncomfortable"..........UGH!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok u permanently make me uncomfortable because u are weirdo.....I have decided that I am done, finished....FIN!!!! until 2009 or maybe even 2010...........

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

not just a song by Aretha Franklin.....I wish people would respect others more. When I deal with people I try to have a little respect for their point of view and their feelings. But I am beginning to see that people don't really have the same respect for me. It is almost like you want your feelings to be taking in count but fuck mine.
There is guy who I always considered to be my friend. In the last year I have realized that maybe that title was a little misplaced. I began to reconsider my relationship with him. Our relationship was so one sided. I am always there when he needs me...going above and beyond the call of duty. But what does he give me in return nothing. Nothing at all......so I decided that was not the type of person that I wanted in my life. So i just decided to distance myself a bit. Let the relationship run it course and crash off the cliff... :-) But today he left me a voice mail message and he told me over the phone that he really appreciated me and loved me more than I would ever know....BLAH...BLAH....BLAH
That got me to thinking....ACTION SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. U can tell somebody that you care and appreciate them but if u treat them like shit...what do u really mean? I am firm believer that actions speak louder than words. U can say all day how u feel about someone but what do u do when the rubber meets the road. Are u there when I need? That is the true marker of a friend. to love u during the good and the bad. Maybe he wasn't my friend and that is a hard lesson to learn but I had to learn it........

Two Weeks

So It has been two weeks since I have talked to ****. I am actually doing ok with it. Not quite sure why he hasn't called me. But a part of me is really glad. I was losing myself and doing things that I don't usually do. I have never knowingly been the other woman. I can see how u get caught up in that now. Oh well. What can I say. I am glad that I am doing better. I needed to let that go and sometimes just making a clean break is the best way to do it. I can't believe that I got caught up. But I have learned a lesson. I am getting better at letting go of people and situations that are not going to be beneficial for me. I mean I think that has been my biggest problem. I get lonely and I take whatever attention I can get. That is who most of my past relationships have gone. I ignore the obivous signs taht this person is not the one for me and I try to make the best out a bad situation. Not anymore. I can not afford to give emotional vested in crappy situations anymore. For the first time a long time I am going to appreciate being single. I am not doing anything holdign out on me getting married. I am going to travel and enjoy my house and my friends and my family and not worry about the future and what might happen...It is kinda liberating.... :-)

Another Day...Another Dollar

I need a change I think....I am getting frustated with alot of things. I love the people at my job but I am not challenged at all. And it is beginning to effect my work and that is not good.
I frustrated with some of the people in my life. I am frustrated because I am having a cash flow problem right now....I am tired of being frustrated.... All I can do is smile....... :-)

Why Me???

I feel like Nancy Kerigan at the Figure Championships and she got wacked on the leg....WHY ME????

Why me? Why is there something wrong with every dude that I meet? I mean this is getting a little ridiculous and I not talking minor defection. I talking manfacture recall defective. It is really become a like annoying. Especially since I do nothing to meet these guys. Ex. I went to PlayDate Atlanta this weekend. Only because my friend and I really wanted to play Monopoly. NOt to meet anyone but to get a good Monopoly game going.... Well I sort meet this guy who went to my high school but not while I was there. He is older....He looked familar and I couldn't figure out where I knew him from. He gave me his card and his names looked real familiar and I was thinking maybe I have just seen it somewhere....Low and behold...I knew him from work....I work in the Criminal Justice System............In lies the problem...... and he would have be a good liar because he does not seem to be the type to have criminal justice issues (good job, degree, good sense) but I would have never known....I might just stay at home from now on.....

Why??????????

ok, it is just four more days before I can blow this Popsicle stand and I need the break.....But before I leave I have an issue

Why do people feel the need to tell u want to do with your life. I mean I think that I have made excellent choices in my life. I am educated, own my own home, car, and have decent credit. I have never been arrested or caused my parents one moment of grief. In fact my mother always says how thankful she is for my brother and I and how were never give her any problems. Still people feel the need to have to tell me what to do. And I am confused on why they feel the need to do that. I don't really need that. First off I have parents and they are who I go to for guidance. I don't need anyone my age or younger telling me how to live my life. Especially when nobody I know life is much better than mine is or who can give me any helpful advice.

I love blogging

I am in love with this blogging thing now. So I have eleven days until my vacation. Gosh I need it. I am just going to lay on the deck of the boat and on the beach and chill....I can't wait. It is going to be awesome...I need to go to the library and get some reading materials for the boat....I am going to read and eat and just enjoy myself

I do have a few issues before I go. Sometimes I just don't understand people. I just don't....I am usually shocked and awed...(:-)) I thank my parents for instilling a serious work ethic in me. Now I think back to all the chores and the requirements that my parents had for my brother and I and now I understand. There was a method to there madness. I understand that no one can be so proud. I think that it has served me well.

LIST

Ok so he hasn't called in two days....but for some reason I don't think that it is over. I have this sinking feeling that he is going to pop back into my world. This time I just have to be strong enough to say NO....we went through this once before. We did not talk for a month......no email, no text....nothing and then POOF...he came back.....Then he was real insistent about it....weird. I think it is the mood of his "main" relationship........Well I decided that I refuse to be the side chick....I am so much better than that. I am beginning to realize that even if he left his girl I refuse to be her in like a year or so...I am good. I want a good man.....so I decided to make a list... :-)


MY GOOD MAN

1. honest-number one....I can't be checking phones and all that stuff.
2. smart-I love intelligence. and not just book samrts but life smarts as well. So Sexy
3. a relationship with God- I know that I have a long way on my walk with JEsus. But it is a work in progress and I want my man to be on a simialr path.
4. a positive relationship with his Mom-not a Mama's boy but you can' hate the women that gave u life and truly love me.....Not going to work
5. Strong family values-My parents taught be certain things and I have a way I think a man should carry himself...I haven't completely found it yet
6. great sense of humor-al my friends will tell you that I am a nut and I need someone that can handle my humor ( sometimes it is really dry :-))
7. manly- I want a clean man but not a "metrosexual" I need you to get your hands dirty. and not be in the mirror longer than me
8. not the bruding quiet type but not a talker either. My dad always said that men don't talk to much especially on the phone to other men....tell tell sign of a problem
9. Great with money. My credit is good and yours should be too. At this age you need to own something (car, home, bicycle, something)
10. Career- Duffle bagging does not count. I am not trying to go to jail with your package in my house. I will rat you out. TRUST!!!!!
11. Generally cool person. Just someone that I would love to be with all the time

That is the beginning of my list....that was fun.........might need to revisit it from time to time.....

It is over!!!!!!!!

So it is over......it is over....and he didn't even care. He didn't even care. Sometimes I wonder if being with me is that awful. People leave and they don't even care. No one cares........ I think that is the part that hurts so much. I give and give. Lord..........I wish this will end. It is partly my fault. Actually it is totally my fault. I see how these things are going to end before they even begin. But the question that I have is why me. Why me? Why me? I generally mind my own business. I don't seek anyone out and I don't intentionally set out to hurt people. Why does this always happen to me. Gosh I was just minding my business...I didn't go out to meet anyone that night. But I met him and I liked him. I knew it was wrong. But it felt right. I thought we had a connection. But it is dangerous. He is with someone else. Where will that lead me, I asked....probably alone....So I keep my distance....Trying to keep things "approriate" But I didn't...I got weak....It was my fault....Today I tried to end it..........and all he can say is ok.......Ok.....like tomorrow he is not even going to care or think about me. His life is going to go on. He is still going to have what he loves...............and that leads back where I started....actually worst....because I have been hurt........What have I learned about this.....There has to be a moral in this fable.........I think that I see it. I have learned. I am going to make different choice in my next relationship. I need to make a change...........UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so tired of Love and Relationships............ :-(

LONG ABSENCE!!!!

Ok I have completely stopped blogging for like eight months....but I am back!!!!!!!! :-)

So I have a situation and I will probably need a lot of help. I met a guy......which is not really big news........but what if he is THE guy...... I really like him and it is more than just how he makes me feel. But it is like we are on the same wavelength. We met randomly about five months ago. I actually saw him before he saw me and I was like " I HAVE to Meet him"..... so of course I had to myself in his path. That first night and actually the whole weekend was so cool. I was like WOW....but of course there is an hitch....he has a girlfriend........I keep telling myself......so she is not a wife.....but still how can ignore the obvious. She exists. So I decided just to chill and not to expect to much and not to call him and all that stuff and especially date other people. So it seemed to work while.....but low and behold......I really like him and when we are together it is nothing else in the world like it. So I decided to pull back a little bit. But we have talked a total of 6 hours in the pass two nights........:-( Something has to give for real.........